英国论坛
GRE作文每日一评：5.4
Issue 20
"Most of the people we consider heroic today were, in fact, very ordinary people who happened to be in the right place at the right time."
I agree with the statement insofar as our heroes tend to be ordinary people like us. However,I strongly disagree with the further assertion that people become heroes simply by being "in the right place at the right time." If we look around at the sorts of people we choose as our heroes, we realize that heroism has far less to do with circumstance than with how a hero responds to it.
I concede that heroes are generally ordinary people. In my observation we choose as our heroes people with whom we strongly identify--people who are very much like us. In fact many of us call a parent, grandparent, or older sibling our hero. Why? My intuition is that the more a person shares in common with us--my terms of experience, heritage, disposition, motives, and even physical attributes--the more accessible that person's heroic traits are to us, and the stronger their attraction as a role model. And few would dispute that we share more in common with immediately family than with anyone else.
这明显的又是一篇半让步式半反驳式文章。
典型句子结构：
I concede that...In my observation...In fact...Why? My intuition is that...
然后用渐强式句子来强调原题观点的正确：
The more...the more..., the more...
Few would dispute that...
但，在第二段就正式进入反驳并衍生观点了：However, the statement's further
suggestion that...is simply wrongheaded.
However, the statement's further suggestion that people become heroes merely as a result of circumstances not of their own choosing is simply wrongheaded. Admittedly, circumstance often serves as a catalyst for heroism. After all, without wars there would be no war heroes. Yet this does not mean that we should lionize （把……视作名人）every member of the armed forces. I find quite telling the oft-used idiom "heroic effort," which suggests that mere coincidence has little to do with heroism. If one examines the sorts of people we select as our heroes, it becomes evident that heroism requires great effort, and that the very nub（=key point） of heroism lies in the response, not in the circumstance.
精华：If one examines...it becomes evident that...the very nub of...lies in...not in...
Consider the ordinary person who overcomes a personal obstacle through extraordinary effort, fortitude, or faith---thereby inspiring others toward similar accomplishments. Sports heroes often fall into this category. For example, Lance Armstrong, a Tour de France cycling champion, became a national hero not merely because he won the race but because he overcame a life-threatening illness, against all odds（=smooth away all obstacles）, to do so. Of course, widespread notoriety（=fame） is not a requisite for heroic status. Countless individuals with physical and mental disabilities become heroes in their community and among their acquaintances by treating their obstacles as personal challenges--thereby setting inspirational examples. Consider the blind law student who inspires others to overcome the same challenge; or the amputee distance runner who serves as a role model for other physically challenged people in her community. To assert that individuals such as these become our heroes merely by accident, as the statement seems to suggest, is to completely misunderstand the very stuff of which heroes are made.
精华：...often falls into category
To assert that..., as the statement seems to suggest, is to completely misunderstand the very stuff of which heroes are made.
Another sort of hero is the ordinary person who attains heroic stature by demonstrating extraordinary courage of conviction--against external oppressive forces. Many such heroes are champions of social causes（社会事业）, rising to heroic stature by way of the courage of their convictions; and, it is because we share those convictions--because we recognize these champions as being very much like us----that they become our heroes. Such heroes as India's Mahatma Gandhi, America's Martin Luther King, South Africa's Nelson Mandela, and Poland's Lech Lawesa come immediately to mind. None of these heroes was born into royalty or other privilege; they all came from fairly common, or ordinary, places and experiences. Or consider again our military heroes, whose courage and patriotism in battle with the statement would serve to completely discredit as merely accidental outcomes of certain soldiers being“in the right place at the right time." I think the preposterousness of such a suggestion is clear enough.
Powerful sentences: It is because...because...that...
I think the preposterousness of such a suggestion is clear enough.
In sum, the statement correctly suggests that heroes are ordinary people like us, and that opportunity, or circumstance, is part of what breeds heroes. However, the statement overlooks that serendipity alone does not a hero make. Heroism requires that "heroic effort," or better yet a "heroic response," to one's circumstances in life.
最后，作者例行总结了自己的观点，间接向阅卷者传递了一个完美的信息：
作者的最终观点是：heroism is also made of another two prerequisites:
1. personal efforts against all odds similar or greater to other ordinary peoples
2. outstanding responses towards those obstacles
但，我认为，作者还可以特别阐释一下heroism，这样就不会让整篇文章头重脚轻了。这篇文章符合5分标准的，但不大可能拿到6分，因为作者在论辩过程还是在内容深刻度方面略微欠缺了。即使是，也是匆匆带过。
