The,Orange,Marmalade,Lid,Secre marketing The Orange Marmalade Lid Secrets Of The GURUs

Automation technologies represent a fundamental aspect of any modern industry. The major types of industrial automation solutions, such as DCS, PLC, SCADA, and MES, are used on a large-scale in process and discrete industries.DCS technologie Awhile ago, I got an email from one of the "gurus" I follow and it shocked me. The gist of it was this person wanted to trade services for a household item.To say it floored me would be an understatement.What was worse was a few days later t

Ever notice how the first ten paragraphs of every sales pitch youread online are the same?Ever notice how the first two pages of most ebooks or inforeports you get are the same?If you think about it, I'm certain you can tell me exactly what it isthey all go over, can't you?Of course you can. What is it they ALL talk about?All together now..."The DREAM of Making It BIG!!!"They begin with the compassionate approach about howfrustrating it is to know the 'BIG' marketers are all getting richand you are not. Then, they describe to you the details of "TheDREAM of Making It BIG!!!". You know, more money,more power, influence, time and freedom. Then, they close withhow what they have to offer will get you 'over the hump' andwell on your way to realizing your dream.Ok fine, the compassion bit is aimed at making a connectionwith you. That's good, we've discussed how that is importantbefore. The closing where they offer to speed you on your waytoward realizing your goals is fine, too. If they have a goodproduct and believe it will help people then fine, say as much.But...Why do we have to go over the details of "The DREAM ofMaking It BIG!!!" every stinking time?What, you don't think I KNOW why it is I'm here to beginwith? You don't think I have that dream right there in the frontof my mind at all times?Why in the 'h-e-double Eiffel Tower toothpicks' do you thinkI'm sitting at my computer at two in the morning reading yourstupid ebook in the first place?!Why do we have to spend all that time at the start of everysales letter and every ebook going over the details of "TheDREAM of Making It BIG!!!" again and again and again?Can't we just skip the obvious and get to the point? Can't wejust get to the heart of what you are offering or what it is you aretrying to teach me?Why indulge in all that fluff? Get to the meat! Just think of howmany electronic trees you could save if you didn't use so manyelectronic pages!Unless, wait, is this a contest or something? It's that whyeveryone spends so much time laying out their version of "TheDREAM of Making It BIG!!!"? Is it just a contest to see whocan drum up the best description of The DREAM? To see whocan best describe the ultimate in Internet marketing success?Well, in that case, move over GURUs! Move over you piddleylittle haphazard metaphor for financial freedom writing fools!The MAN is here.Feast your eyes, my friends, on "The TRUE, Ultimate DREAMof Making It BIG!!!" I mean after all, I am the BEST writer (ofmy own articles) the Internet has ever seen!Stand back ye flies! Let the true exponentially exciting, yet notnecessarily true, DREAM writing begin!---------Frustrated, are you?Do you lay awake at night, restless, because you have not yetdiscovered the secret for driving hordes of herds of countlessof maniacally insane amounts of credit card waving traffic toyour web site?Do you long to know the secrets of the Internet GURUs whohave already taken $250 out of your bank account so you cantake $25000 out of each of their accounts as a bribe for notgiving those secrets away to others?Well, then, I know exactly how you feel because I, too, felt thatfrustration just this last week. That is before I discovered thesecrets of the GURUs written on the lid of a jar of orangemarmalade I got out of my granny's cellar.But now! Because I'm such a nice, young, rich, handsome, wellput together, did I mention rich, generous man who desiresMORE influence, MORE power, MORE women who want tofeed me grapes, an unspeakably large lawn filled with maliciousDobermans, and a second private jet just in case my wife feelslike eating dinner in a different country than I do... I am going toGIVE you those secrets!Yes, if you long to hear the whining sound of your banker saying"No! Please, not more money! Take it away, we can't handleany more!"... then I suggest you listen up.I would, out of the kindness of my heart, just send each of youthe original lid from the orange marmalade jar for free, so youcould learn the secrets for yourself at no charge, but, well,Granny just re-used that lid to put up some nice gooseberry jellyand she says we can't open it again for at least six months or "itwon't have been worth the cannin', young man!"Fortunately for you, though, I recorded those secrets in digitalform before they met with the gooseberries. And I will GIVEthem to you in that digital form. However, since I hate typingI'm going to have to charge each of you $59.95 for the fiveminutes I had to spend transcribing from the lid.But no matter! That's such a small price to pay when youconsider that after applying these secrets you'll be able to:1. Buy Earth from God and implement a gravity tax.2. Determine the outcome of all of TV's reality shows accordingto your whim and pleasure and who you think The Bachelorshould have married.3. Merge the companies of Coca-Cola and Pepsi and name theresulting soft drink Poca-Epsi, just because you feel like it.4. Rule the Internet with an Iron Mouse, tearing down any website that does not bear a link to one of yours on at least everyother line of text... and a picture of SpongeBob.5. Never have to pay for car insurance again! (well, I think thatwould be cool anyway)However, those are just a few of the dreams you'll get torealize. There will be more because you'll have ultimate power.You'll know everything, and get to be everything. In fact, you'llbe the most sought after individual on the planet!That's right! Forget Yanik Silver, you'll be Yanik Gold! ForgetFrank Garon, you'll be Frank Baron! Forget Terry Dean, you'llbe Terry President! Forget Mark Joyner, you'll be Mark Joyful!Yes, FREE access to the Orange Marmalade Lid Secrets OfThe GURUs ebook is yours for only a small transcription fee of$59.95.But wait there's more....Well, not really, but who cares? You've already got everything!With the Orange Marmalade Lid Secrets Of The GURUsebook YOU WILL Be SUPREME!!!! Or Your Money Back!!(minus the cost of shipping and handling and the payment on myFerrari, of course)---------Now then, contest over, right? I am the King. If anyone daresto get into a contest of inflated writing with me, they will soonfind themselves floating away like a hot air balloon on a coldmorning. Am I right?So, no longer do we need to recap all the details of "TheDREAM of Making It BIG!!!" at the beginning of every salesletter and ebook.OK?We ALL know what it is we dream of. You don't have to tellus. So, from now on, PLEASE, just get to the point!You know, like I always do.----------------------------------------------------------------*written by Joe Bingham of NetPlayNewsletters.comFor more 'Marketing Humor' and 'Straight Edge' marketing information,download Joe Bingham's FREE e-book"A Cynic's Guide To Understanding Internet Marketing"http://www.netplaynewsletters.com Go Now!Check out the *NEW* NetPlay Humor ezine as well!----------------------------------------------------------------- Article Tags: Orange Marmalade