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It’s no big secret that relationships affect your health. Whomyou live with and whether you're single, married, divorced or widowed can offerclues to your health decades later (if not sooner). Never mind the countless studies that have revealed thistime and time again, take a look around – it’s pretty clear that people inunhealthy relationships experience more stress. And stress is associated withchronic health problems.  Moreover, each person’s body reacts differently to stress,thereby expressing different symptoms: muscle pain, weight gain, back pain,migraine, depression and so on. The severity of these symptoms will also dependon the overall condition of your health to begin with. Even with the most compatible partner, conflicts andchallenges in relationships will still exist. This is inevitable. It is life.But the point is that with the right partner, conflicts and challenges willoccur much less, and when they do occur, they are not as “difficult” to dealwith.  How the two of you work together to neutralize a conflictor overcome a challenge can be the very thing that makes or breaks yourrelationship. And how you are as a couple will eventually show through in youroverall wellbeing. Conflicts are common, they are even said to be necessaryto keep things real, keep things balanced. They provide you an opportunity tolearn and grow together and they’re meant to bring you even closer togetherwhen all is said and done. Well, this is the healthy version, anyway. The unhealthy version would be not working together toresolve the issue, hanging on to grievances and by that, creating more pain.The unhealthy version is the “let’s just shove it under the mat for now” or “Idon’t want to talk about it, case close” attitude. This kind of attitude is like putting a band-aid over awound just to cover it from view. The cut isn’t nurtured and therefore neverreally heals. It will resurface at another time over even the smallest issue.By then, the cut will feel deeper, hurt more and become harder to repair. Andyour overall wellbeing is somewhat compromised. So how do you avoid all this pain, all these challenges?  Let’s just say: you can’t avoid them, but you can make theexperience worthwhile. You start by making better choices with whom you have arelationship with. You can choose someone who adds to your life, not take awayfrom it. So, how do you choose? Where do you start? Many of you have shared your confusion when trying toclearly define what you’re looking for in a partner. Some of you say “I don’tyet know exactly what I want, but I know what I do not want.” Or, “I thought Iknew what I wanted but now that I have it, it’s not what I thought it wouldbe.” Simply put: it’s not about being with a perfect person(because there is no such thing as a perfect person), but rather about beingwith the right person for you. Here aresome guidelines you can follow that can help you make happier, healthierdecisions. In choosing the right partner, it’s not so much about thespecific details of what they do and/or don’t do, but rather how your overall being feels when in a relationship with them. Overall, doyou feel good inside? What is this overall good feeling inside, you ask? Well,it is a number of things: it’s that sense of even when things aren’t right, youstill feel peace in your heart that you’re together; they bring out the best inyou; you feel you are a better person having them in your life; you loveyourself even more when you’re with them. Something about them makes you wantto do more good. With all the challenges that a relationship can bring, it’sjust more fulfilling to go through it with someone you’re most compatible with;perhaps someone who holds you up high and never looks down on you; someone whois ready to talk to you and not talk at you – or equally as unnurturing – not talk at all. Even sad moments feel better just having them as yourpartner. When you’re faced with a challenging situation, no matter whatconflicts you may have with one another, at the end of the day, you find a wayto be on the same team, you want to have each other’s back. You agree onworking and growing together.  Most people will tell you that a relationship is hard work –and this may be true. There is no short cut around the work. But what I cantell you is that the hard work does not feel like hard work when you’re withthe right person. It can feel exciting, even effortless, and more rewarding. Just knowing relationships can affect your health, wouldn’tit make sense to choose a relationship that predominantly makes you feel goodinside – a relationship that promotes your wellbeing? I can just hear some of you saying, “Yes! I like the soundof being with the right partner, but do they really exist?” The short answer:yes, they do exist, but you cannot recognize them for what they are if youdon’t first start your search from within. In other words, in order to attractthe partner you want, you must first “be” the kind of person you are lookingfor in a partner.   Even if currently you are already in a relationship, you canstill introduce this idea. Regardless of how your partner chooses to act orreact, you can consciously remain true to “being” the person you wish in apartner. Then, just observe the shift that will inevitably occur. Spiritual teachers refer to this “conscious” non-judgementalbehavior as being fully present in a relationship. And by “being conscious” andtherefore present, you are then introducing light into the relationship: “A door would have opened up for him/her through whichhe/she could easily join you in that space. If you are consistently or at leastpredominantly present in your relationship, this will be the greatest challengefor your partner. They will not be able to tolerate your presence for very longand stay unconscious. “If they are ready, they will walk through the door thatyou opened for them, and join you in that state. If they are not, you willseparate like oil and water. The light is too painful for someone who wants toremain in darkness.” — Eckhart Tolle,spiritual teacher and New York Times bestselling author of “The Power of Now.”