How,Effectively,Submit,Teacher family How To Effectively Submit a Teacher Complaint About Unfair T

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PART 1: I UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTRATIONS One of the most common concerns that parents relay to me, isthat they are unhappy with the way their child is treated at school. Not justby the other kids either, but frequently want to know the best way to go aboutmaking complaints about teachers.  “The teacher should be doing more for my child”, “It’s likewe’re just another number and they don’t really care about us” as well as “I’vetried voicing my concerns to the school but they don’t listen.” These are amongthe most common words I hear from frustrated parents, usually accompanied withan overall feeling of powerlessness and that it’s just “not fair”.  If these concerns are ones shared by yourself, then firstly– yes, you are very much justified in feeling this way. The way you and yourchild are treated by their school will have a huge impact on your son ordaughter’s childhood and therefore the way the rest of their life is shaped. Thismeans that being on the receiving end of unfavourable treatment by your child’sschool is very much something worth being concerned about.  In fact, I’d be more concerned by parents whojust don’t care.  Fortunately for your child however, the fact that you haveread this far means that, you do care, and are right to do so. The good news isthat there is a solution to these problems you may wish to consider before making complaint against teacher orschool. The great news is that if you read the following carefully, you’ll knowwhat it is and how to use it to your child’s advantage.  PART 2: HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT FROM THE SCHOOL In an ideal world, all students are treated equally; thereare no ‘favourites’ and no one slips through the cracks simply because theirteachers don’t like them as much. In an ideal world, teachers are not humanbeings, and therefore teacher complaintswould not exist. Well, they are human beings, but only have the good aspectsthat humans have such as being caring, nurturing and compassionate – none ofthe bad aspects that teachers have such as apathy or personal bias. Unfortunatelyhowever, personal bias is part of being human, and yes; teachers are humanstoo.  Yes, it’s not fair, but neither is the world. You know that.Now keeping that in mind, consider this: the reality is that your child caneither be in their teachers good books, or not. Which would you prefer?  The Opposite of Instinct When an animal is hurt or feeling threatened, it’s instinctis to bight, scratch or run away – even from the person trying to help it.  Likewise when we’re feeling ‘hard done by’the same instinct tells us to get defensive, complain, argue and assert ourauthority over the person causing us to feel that way. The problem with these instincts is that sometimes, naturesdefence mechanisms will only sabotage us.  If you want to know where I’m going here, consider this:think of the last time someone complained about you. If you were doing the bestyou could do, then it probably just made you resent that person. If you were infact doing a slack job, then it probably just made you feel defensive – afterall, no one wants their flaws to be brought to their attention.  Ask someone in the hospitality industry what happens whenyou complain about your food. The waiter might bring you out a freshly cookedmeal with an apologetic smile, neglecting to tell you about the fresh glob ofspit the cook added as a personal touch. Lodging a teachercomplaint will, at best, result in those people giving you the impression(to your face) that they are doing more to care about you. At the other end ofthe scale, it could make the situation much worse. But if I don’tcomplain, what else can I do? The reality (however harsh) is that you can either chose tocomplain and have your child’s teacher hold a bias against your child, or youcan instead choose to do the opposite. Again, if your instinct to this last sentence is to scream out “but it’snot fair that my child should be unfavourably affected by the bias of unfair teachers or incompetent teachers” then, my suggestion is, write a letter toSanta to complain. At least he won’t spit in your soup. Now back to the realworld… “Right, so you’re saying the trick then is to suck up to theprinciple and teachers then?”  I senseyou asking. No, that doesn’t work either. Flattery certainly works better thancomplaints and aggression. Using flattery, suck ups and brown nosing to drawfavourable attention towards your child’s needs are like using a sling shot however,when a cannon is readily available. You just need to know how to load it. PART 3: READJUST YOUR FOCUS In the opening of this article, did it feel like Iunderstood your situation? Did it appeal to you, because a little buzzer lit upin your brain flashing “ah….yes! This person understands where I’m coming from– they must be on my side!” If so, then I was successful in establishing arapport with you. I needed to do that, because some of the things I was goingto tell you in the following paragraphs about the harshness of reality wereperhaps things that you may have otherwise felt a bit defensive about. In orderto ‘warm you up’ enough so that you were likely to take that harshness with amore open mind, I first needed to relax the critical factor of your mind, byestablishing a rapport with you. I did that by making you feel that Iunderstood your concerns, your frustrations, your hope and your desires.   Establishing a rapport with someone is the first step youmust take in order to get that person to do anything what you want. In thiscase, what want firstly, is for your child’s teacher(s) and or principal tounderstand you, and care about you. In order to achieve that outcome, you mustfirst show that you understand and care about them. It’s as simple as that. The ‘catch 22’ ofconflict resolution.  Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes as theysay, or more importantly to see (and especially feel) the world in the way thatanother person sees (and feels) it, can be difficult at the best of times.Studies suggest that at least 90% of the time, our thoughts are focused exclusivelyon things that directly affect us. At very best, our ability to engage inempathic thoughts are generally limited to those we actually care about such asour family members.  The times that our ability to exercise empathy is mostlimited is when we are feeling threatened (which may manifest as fear, anger orfrustration). The people we are least able to exercise empathy towards ofcourse, are those who are causing (often unintentionally) us to feel this way.It is therefore no surprise why conflict is so prevalent in the world.  If you have not already established an unfavourablerelationship with your child’s teacher(s), then this process is going to beeasier. If however tension has already been mounting, this is going to be a bitmore challenging.  There are some basic rules for establishing rapport withanyone, in any situation. For starters, it is important to remember to listento the other person twice as much as what you speak to them, and when you tospeak, speak twice as much about them (or things they have indicated they areinterested in speaking about) than yourself. Going a step further than this, it is a good idea to understand andrecognise the other person’s struggles, frustrations as well as their hopes andachievements.  A Teachers Struggles Teaching a class full of kids can be a very stressful job.Even if you don’t think so, the teacher thinks so, and they really, REALLY wantother people to acknowledge that.  A Teachers Achievements You know what really sucks when you put in extra effort forsomeone? When it goes unrecognised. You have probably experienced this in yourown life. Now imagine you’re a teacher. As a teacher, imagine that you reallydo try your best with a kid, get no appreciation from the parents but insteadreceive complaints instead? Now guess which kid you’re going to remember neverto try to hard over ever again. On the other hand (and I can attest to this from my ownexperiences at parent - teacher nights) imagine that one of your student’sactually recognised the efforts you’ve made, relays it back to mum or dad, andthey show their appreciation to you at a later stage. These are the momentsthat make you feel like teaching is worthwhile after all. When their feedbackis supported by citing specific examples of what you have done, especially whenit’s about with things you figured no one would even recognise or appreciate(but secretly you wanted them to), then imagine how this feels. Wow! Guesswhich kid you’re going to remember to make that extra effort over next time? Moreover,guess which kid you’re likely to respond favourably to when their parents raisea concern with you? And on the rare occasion you hear a mum or dad tell you thatthey’ve noticed the effect you’ve had on their child at home is inspirational? Chancesare after you’ve wiped back the tears you are likely to stop at nothing to movemountains for that child and their wellbeing for as long as they are yourstudent. In fact, those are the students whose memory stays with you forever. It doesn’t take a genius to figure these things out however,yet you’d be surprised how many people seem to think that the most effectivemeans of getting their way is by showing no appreciation and making nothing butcomplaints and demands – the exact opposite of what is more likely to work! Being able to express genuine appreciation to your child’s teachers,as easy as it sounds, does require one fundamental key: You need to actuallyknow what your child’s teachers are doing in the classroom, and you need toknow what they are doing well. To do that, you have to ask your child.Regularly. Most importantly, you need to know how to ask the right questions,and how to interpret the responses you receive. Ultimately the goal here is to find out, through your child,what efforts their teacher has been going to, so that you can show genuineappreciation for them when it comes time to communicate directly with theTeacher. To go a step above appreciating their efforts is to recognise thepositive effects that those efforts have been having on your child. Even if itis your belief that the teachers efforts are “not good enough” there is almostalways some (even if just a little) benefits to your child. If you’restruggling to see them, then perhaps the best approach you can take at thispoint is to know how to look for them. How Your Child TreatsTheir Teacher Affects How Their Teacher Treats Them. The other thing that is crucially important here is how yourchild responds to their teacher. If you want your child to be in their teachers‘good books’ then it is vitally important that they show genuine respect andappreciation to them. Your child is not going to respect their teacher if theyhear you speaking negatively about them.  They may show their teacher respect if they happen to likethem naturally, but whether they do or not, you can influence this part of theprocess by the respect that your child sees that you have for their teacher.  This means that in addition to asking yourchild about what efforts and positive effects that their teacher has ben havingon them, it is important to speak highly about the teacher with your child.  Once your child becomes aware of the respect that you havefor their teacher, they will be more likely to follow any advice you now wantto give them about how they can showrespect to their teacher whilst at school.  So what advice can you give them?  The ‘what not to do’ things are the most obvious (don’targue, don’t talk back etc) but the most important ‘to do’ is to show genuineappreciation. Every day when I pick him up from school, I ask my son “did youthank your teacher today for their lesson?”  Yes; even when someone is merely doing the jobthey are being paid to do, if you want them to do the best job they canpossibly do, the most effective way of facilitating this process is to showhonest, sincere appreciation for something they have done.  If your frustration makes this difficult, begin to let anynegative feelings just blur softly into the background, and instead search for,focus on and zoom in on anything and everything positive.  If you don’t appreciate 9 out of 10 thingsthey do, then at least focus on the 1 that you do, and appreciate theirintentions for the other 9 even if you don’t appreciate the outcome. THE TWISTED CONCLUSION This article started by first appealing to the frustrationsof parent’s feeling ‘hard done by’ when it comes to their child’s situation atschool. It then moved into an almost ‘expose’ on the cold hard realities ofhuman nature and how to manipulate authority to suit ones self didn’t it? Wasit surprising then that it concluded that it all comes down to being positivelyminded, showing respect and honest appreciation?  Chances are, you probably already knew the value of sincereappreciation – I think we all do. The problem is however, when we take issuewith someone or feel frustrated by something, the likelihood that we startfocusing on how to make the other person feel good about themselves begins todeteriorate, as instead we become almost exclusively focused with a tunnelvision view of “what about me?”  The reason for twisting the focus of this article throughthese three stages of emotional context was simply because, as I’m sure you areby now aware, sometimes the obvious isn’t so obvious when we’re blinded by ourown defensive emotions.  Just remember that at a fundamental level, every teacherjoins the profession because they are fuelled by a deep down desire to make adifference in the lives of their students. Over time, the lack of appreciationthey encounter slowly extinguishes their passion, which is why it is common tocome across teachers who don’t seem particularly enthusiastic about goingall-out for their students.  Whilst negativity is the cause of a teacher’s apathy, Ipromise you that if you make them feel the way they were originally fuelled bywhen they entered the profession, you will rekindle a burning passion that willlight the way for your child and their future.  Whilst you may have come here wanting to know how to write acomplaint letter about a teacher, hopefully not you’ve just found a bettersolution. Give it a try, and let me know how it goes. For more advice, tips and articles, see the Top of the Class Tutoring Eastern Suburbs website.