Translating,What,Men,Introduct family Translating What Men Do

A lot of women avoid wearing nice clothes when they getpregnant because they believe that they look fat or ugly. You know that there’snothing more beautiful than a pregnant woman glowing and smiling, so youshouldn’t hide your body during p Raising a family can be challenging and stressful at times. However, the common goals and emotional, financial, and physical investments made can be a common bond between husband and wife. One that compliments their marriage relationship.Of

IntroductionThe article below contains a few sweeping generalisations within it that hold truein most cases. I wouldn’t for a moment claim that all men or women act out aparticular gender role, I would however say that some assumptions can be veryuseful. This article has already changed lives, my editors understanding of menimproved and she quickly eliminated one of the biggest mistakes she wasmaking around the men in her life. I hope you enjoy it, let me know.For those of you that wonder, we will be getting to the mistakes that men makearound women in the near future.Men for BeginnersOne of the roles I seem to find myself in is translator. I often end up inconversations with my female coaching clients about what does it mean whenmy partner….disappears into the garage for the evening?….watches threemovies back to back?….drinks all night with his friends?It means he’s unhappy.Men are different from women; I’ve resisted this truth for so many years I can’ttell you. We do things differently, particularly around the area of feelings. Menare trained to be ashamed of their feelings from a very early age. We learnquickly that tears are not something we shed if we have any other option. Weknow that big boys don’t cry, and that message started very early for us. We areoften shamed publicly for crying and shame is something we resist feeling at anycost.Have you ever noticed that there isn’t a clearly defined male character insociety? In some way, we invest most of our energy in NOT acting like awoman. Men have no idea how to get along with each other and our maleintimacy often comes about by punching each other in the arm and other typesof play fighting.Take the example of holding hands. We don’t stop holding hands because wedon’t like our friends. We stop holding hands because someone made it unsafeto do so. Just like the tears in public, male friends holding hands is subject toridicule, harassment, and more of the dreaded public shaming.One theory suggests men are not allowed to have feelings because if they didthey might become sensitive to the fact that killing other men is unacceptable.We’ve been trained from the moment we could observe that if a war happens,we must be willing to get out there and defend our women and children. That’s aheavy load to bear and it does interfere with our ability to be sensitive.We even process feelings differently, as overt feelings make us vulnerable.Sometimes men get so numb they don’t even know they are having a feeling. Ifyou’ve ever read any books about the actuality of war, you’ll realize this is anessential skill for men to master. Many of us process feelings outside ourselvesbecause it is safer that way. Watching a movie, where the emotion is at adistance, is one way of processing feelings externally. Another is to tinkeraround in the garage…because it’s also safe.My understanding is that we only disappear into our cave when we feel unsafe.The problem is that generally when a man lets his defenses down, the first thinghe feels is anger or frustration because these are the safest emotions for us. Atthis point, the woman stops listening or fights back and once again man learnsfeelings are not a good idea.If a woman really wants a man that can feel and communicate his feelings, sheneeds to be his guide. Women have the luxury of being allowed intimate femalefriends and the upper edge when it comes to empathy and compassion. Whenwomen re-entered the workforce, some men were only too happy to mentor theminto management positions. I’d encourage you to mentor your man through theprocess of emotions. The easiest way to do this is through a process that Taylorand McGee refer to as Deep Listening in their book “The New Couple”. It’s veryeasy and surprisingly powerful.Set aside 20 minutes and agree that you are each going to take ten minutes totalk about your lives. When it’s your turn to talk, you can discuss anything andeverything on your mind. When it’s your turn to listen, you must actively listen.This means no grunts, no head nods, and no interruptions. Ideally, you just lookat the speaker with ‘soft eyes’. It is important that both parties take ten minutesbecause you are building a safe space. There is no set agenda and it’s not aplace to air grievances between the two of you. It’s a space to open up to eachother.You will discover new things about your partner during deep listening sessions.Don’t expect anything too dramatic. Just remember after 15 years of therapy, Istill rarely cry ‘like a girl’ and it’s my sincere belief that our kidneys just processliquid differently.