Sticky,Situations,and,Nonverba communication Sticky Situations and Nonverbal Cues

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Years ago, I uncovered adefinition of communication that I doubt would appear in Wikipedia.  I like it because of its simplicity as wellas its inherent complexity.Communication is behaviorthat transmits meaning from one person to another person.       This definition tells usthat we cannot communicate without behavior. We must do something to communicate. It also tells us that communication does not happen unless meaning istransmitted.  Of course what I mean andwhat you think I mean pose two entirely different things.  In fact, I can name at least six messages inany conversation.  • What you Mean to say• What you Actually say• What the other personHears• What the other personThinks he/she hears• What the other personSays• What you Think theother person saysNo wonder we encounter somany sticky communication problems.  Tomake matters worse, did you know that our minds think four times faster than theaverage person can speak?  Even when wetry to listen, our thinking minds fly many miles an hour in anotherdirection.  Harnessing all that thinkingenergy takes discipline, focus, and concentration.  In today's world, where most of us multi-taskour way through life, stopping to really hear another person seemsimpossible.  As we examine communication,you will see how important it is to stop doing whatever it is you are doing, toset your antenna in the direction of the speaker, and to assign your thinkingmind the job of listening.  Besidesturning off our cell phones, however, how can we do this?  One way is to pay close attention to thenonverbal cues.Verbal and NonverbalCommunicationAccording to landmarkresearch done by Albert Mehrabian at UCLA in the 1960’s, communicationcomprises three distinct parts: Visual, Vocal, and Verbal.  Studying massive numbers of people over aseries of years, he found that these three components impact our messages differently.  Visual communication gives the message morepower than vocal communication, and vocal gives the message more power thanverbal.  If you skip, ignore or shortchange one of these three components,your message suffers.By visual communicationwe mean all the messages you get through the eyes: gestures, facialexpressions, eye contact and personal appearance.  Dr. Mehrabian foundthat 55 percent of communication comes through visual messages.By vocal communication wemean all the non-word sounds we make (including silence): ums, sighs, laughs,chuckles, grunts and groans.  Vocal alsoincludes articulation, modulation and pacing. Dr. Mehrabian found that 38 percent of communication comes through theears.By verbal communicationwe mean the words or the content of the message.  Only seven percent ofcommunication comes through the content.In one of my workshopssomeone said, “But, that's not right!  Weshould pay more attention to the words than we do the actions.”  Perhaps we should.  But, do we? Ask any politician or anyone in the broadcast industry.  They will confirm the importance of visualand vocal (i.e., nonverbal) communication. There are people who make a living preparing defendants for jury trials.  They do not tell them what to say but how tosay it and how to “appear.”  When we talkabout nonverbal communication, we mean the combination of the visual and vocalmessages (93 percent).  Confidentcommunicators hear the words, and they heed the nonverbal cues.  From those cues they discover the feelingsbehind the words.What nonverbal cues doyou notice in this sticky situation?Larry walks into ameeting with the top executives in his firm. He has been invited to demonstrate an innovative computer softwaresystem that the firm is interested in purchasing.He hears the buzz of conversationbefore he opens the door.  Once he entersthe room, conversation stops.  A fewpeople clear their throats.  People lookaround, but not at Larry.  The CEO, says,“Oh, yes, Larry.  Thanks forcoming.”  He turns to the group and says,“Larry is going to show us that whiz-bang computer system that will savepurchasing time.”Larry walks up to thePowerPoint projector where he plugs in his laptop.  He hears the shuffle of papers and a fewwhispers.  Two members of the group arefrowning in his direction, and they have their arms crossed.  The CEO is watching him but with a slightscowl.Larry starts with a briefintroduction of the system.  Two peopleyawn.  He talks about how user-friendlythe system is and what it can accomplish. He continues to talk for several minutes, going through his pre-plannedpresentation.  After about 20 minutes,the CEO interrupts him. “Thank you, Larry. That’s enough for now.”Larry asks if there areany questions.  No one speaks.  He packs up his laptop and departs.How might you interpretthe nonverbal messages Larry received from the group?• The fact thatconversation stopped when Larry walked in suggests the group felt interruptedby his presence.• The clearing of throatsand lack of eye contact tell Larry that his presentation might have been asurprise to the group.  They may bewondering why he’s there.• While listening to thewhispers and the shuffling of papers, Larry should recognize the signals toquickly get on with his presentation.• Yawns from memberssuggest a lack of interest in what is being said.  • Frowns, scowls, andcrossed arms suggest to Larry that there might be a power issue going on.  Perhaps some people are opposed to thissystem.• The way the CEOintroduced him—the tone of his voice might suggest to Larry that he is“apologizing” for his presence or doing something he feels compelled to do butdoesn’t want to do. How might Larry respondto the cues he noticed?• Once the CEO introducedLarry, he should quickly ask if this is the best time for thepresentation.  Even the CEO seemed tohave forgotten he was coming.• If Larry gets thego-ahead, he should provide a quick overview of the system’s benefits andencourage the group to ask questions immediately.  He needs to check out the nonverbal cues he’sseeing and hearing.  Are peoplebored?  Are people annoyed?  Are people interested? • When Larry noticespeople yawning or losing interest in his presentation, he should wrap it upwith the major points.• Larry should ask thegroup for bottom-line issues that trouble them about the system.  Some seem bored and ready to make a decisionwithout a presentation.  That could meanLarry should simply field questions without showing his full PowerPointpresentation.  He needs to learn from thegroup how to proceed.Nonverbal cues are cluesto communication.  They are notdefinite.  Once during a jury trial onewoman scowled the entire trial.  Shecrossed her arms, sighed, and looked genuinely unhappy.  The defendant’s lawyer gave her lots of attention,fearing her tightly closed scowls were directed at him and what he wassaying.  After the defendant won thecase, that woman hugged her and said, “Honey, I’ve been praying for you!”  All those pinched, closed eyes that lookedlike scowls were prayers.  We can neverassume a nonverbal to be true, what we must do is raise our antenna and checkit out.Most of usare so programmed to communicate in the way we’ve planned that we do not payattention to the nonverbal cues.  When weset our antenna toward our speakers and really pay attention to the nonverbalcues, we will have fewer communication mishaps.