Getting,Unstuck,When,the,Head, DIY Getting Unstuck, When the Head and the Heart Disagree

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All of us have had the experience, I suspect, offeeling confused, paralyzed and overwhelmed by the circular turmoil over adecision in which the head and the heart simply don't agree and want two differentthings!  it's painful when we findourselves in an inner battle over a decision that must be made in our lives.  The anxiety of being faced with a crossroad in lifewhere a next decision must be made in order to move forward from this stopped,stuck place, is often tremendously stressful.  The inner debate and frustrating angst can seeminsurmountable and hopeless. That's what makes it so paralyzing; that's how westay stuck.  And in a way, the situationis indeed insurmountable and hopeless. Let me explain. The situation isinsurmountable in the aspect that two arguing forces not only want twodifferent choices, but that they don't even speak the same language.   When the head argues for one path and the heart foranother, it is like trying to compare "apples to oranges" – theydon't even view things the same way or with the same value of importance--  thus making it "impossible"to make a sound decision.  So you can seehow this awful self-tormenting experience of being stuck in an unsolvable andcircular dialogue takes place, right?   Few situations in life are more frustrated thanfeeling stuck and stopped when needing to make a decision and act. Talk aboutflushing the cells with stress hormones and adrenaline! We hear people speak of this experience nearly everyday. A person might say something like this: "Howdo I know if I am listening to my head or my heart in this situation?"  "Whichdo I trust in this situation with which I am faced:  the head or the heart?"   "Howdo I know what to listen to? How can I trust my own inner guidance when I amconfused and stuck in  contradictorycircular inner arguments, thoughts, and feelings?" Sound familiar? I am going to offer you a way through this seeminglyinsurmountable dilemma.  But first, itwill help to get a feel for the landscape of these two dialoguing forces insideof you:  The head and the heart.*  *Please note that the head and the heart are notliteral distinctions as if there are 2 discreet entities inside of you. Rather,my use of head and heart are used here as pointers to two distinct operatinglanguages and aspects of your consciousness.  When we more clearly see how these two functionsoperate within us, we are more able to stand clear of the circular argumentsand counter-arguments between the head and heart.  When we learn to stand aside and see the dynamic andrelationship at play between the head and heart, we become able to access ourdeeper truth of being where nothing is stuck. So let's look at these two forces: the head and theheart, each in turn.  Let's see how the head and heart each"think" and what they each value... Let's look at the language of thehead and at the language of the heart, and start to see how difficult it is forthe two to understand one another. (It is rather like asking a person who onlyunderstands French to make an important decision with someone who onlycommunicates through sign language. They will have a challenging time as theysit and facing some obstacle or crossroad that requires a partnership agreementin order to move. Heck, they won't even necessarily see or agree on the sameproblem or even that they are at the same crossroad!) Let's just play this out for a minute:  Picture yourself in some uncomfortable situation whereyou need to make an important choice, and your heart and your head are at waror in disagreement as to the right choice. Find that inner confused anxiety feeling;. t's pretty easy, we've allfaced it, and in fact face it many times each day. The Heart of the Matter: Arguments from the heart have these tendencies incommon:The heart evokes a feeling of inspiration and longing at the very foundation of our soul (aka it's voice is deeply compelling); The heart can seem timid before the head, but really is surprisingly strong  and tenacious in the emotional feelings of desire; The heart might seem a bit narcissistic or careless in terms of it's powerful appeal for "throwing caution to the wind" and enjoying life in the moment. It doesn't care! The heart does not fear; it feels. It loves everything alive. It feels - just feels and shares what it feels. The head fears (for the heart in a way). The head doesn't feel, it's not good at that at all. It is emotion-less and comparative. The Manner of Grey Matter: Arguments from the head have these tendencies incommon: the head dangles the "carrot of our comfort" out as an enticement to over-rule any contradictory feelings of the heart; the head tries to convince us (and often very convincingly)  that it is only looking out for what is safest and therefor, best; the head does a very good job of convincing us to make a decision based on our fear of making the wrong decision; the head strives to keep us on the good safe straight known path... In other words -- when there is confusion around adecision; when there is discord between the thoughts of the head and the wishesof the heart; when there is anxiety over how to trust which voice is which… andworse: which one is right in this matter: the head or the heart!  This, my friend, is where we often createconfused havoc and weave tangled webs of complicated stuckness in ourlives!  Been there, done that.  You? Here’s how it goes… The head will fight boldly and litigiously in favor ofminimizing perceived threat and helping us feel maximally safe.  The heart will argue persuasively andseductively in favor of seeking passionate fulfillment and by causing ussuffering where it longs for more life… In simplified terms: The head is our built in "statusquo, stay safe, watch out, always on the look out for potential threats kindaguy". The head positions itself as our "high security bodyguard"-- ready to take on anything or anyone it sees as potential threatto our safety. And it's a good thing too, that we have our head andour wits about us!  Without ourfear-monitoring, watchful wits, we'd never have survived the saber toothtigers, old and new.  We wouldn't be herehaving this discussion at all.  We'd be afailed species. And then there's the heart: The heart is our built in "it's time to grow and evolve, expand and explore, open and fulfill,freedom loving kinda gal"  Theheart seats itself as our enchanting muse and tender seductress pulling on theheartstrings of all that wishes to grow and bloom. And it's a good thing too, that we have our heart’spassion-seeker within us. Without our beauty-inspired, fiery spark of theheart, we'd never have grown past the cave man hiding from the saber toothtigers, old and new. We wouldn't be here having this discussion either. We'd bea dead species.So the question really might be this:  "When the head and theheart are at odds (which they inherently most often are), how do we listen tothe bold the watch out, protective and rational security guard head, while stillhearing the whispers and deep soulful longings of the passionate heart -- andthen come to some balanced sense of clarity and courage of choice?"Is that a fair way of putting the situation in whichwe find ourselves when the recommendations of the head and the longings of theheart have us in the self-paralyzing throws of confusion and conflict over adecision?I think you'll agree that it is. So now: what to do...WHAT TO DO!? Without trying to sound too simplistic, new agecliché, or unsympathetic, "what to do" really is simpler than werealize.  Here's the trick:  The trick of moving through this stalemate, has less to do with making "the rightdecision ", and more to do withstepping into true conscious awareness of the dynamics and inner dialogue thatis going on between head and heart from a certain space: from a space of innerwitnessing… Eckhart Tolle in his book “A New Earth” calls thisinner witness /observer your true "primary purpose"; Byron Katiepoints to it as "who you are without your story"; others call it yourauthentic self, your true nature, Buddha mind, Christ consciousness; awakenedpresence etc etc etc. Regardless of what name we call this inner still pointthat can witness the drama of head and heart as it plays out (and not becomeidentified with either the head nor the heart), is the pathway to finding ourfreedom and to making the natural spontaneous next step of “right action”. (Suggesta 3 paragraph re-read here.)So what to do when you find yourself stopped in your tracks and racing roundand round in circles of self-repeating conflict between the head and theheart?   Stop!Look!Listen! I'm serious. (Dick and Jane were right.)  Stop!  Stop weighing all the angles; stop makingpro-con lists, stop talking to your friends about which way to go. STOP!  (If you can't stop, stop anyway :) Play some meditative music or go on a walk in natureand just look at the noisy inner self through the eyes of the observer. Look atthe inner divisive battle like a naturalist would look at a grasshopper jumpinghere and there. Just look at it all going on.  Observe the dynamics of the drama as if you are seatedin the audience of a  (perhaps badly orgreatly performed) drama that is being playing out.  Become an affectionato of the twocharacters: the head and the heart, but don't become either one. Stay seated inyour audience chair, observing. Get curious about seeing and appreciating eachnuance, costuming, and posturing attempts of the head and heart to debate,convince, and connive. See it all playing out through your inner observingtheatre seat. Watch it, eyes wide open. Next, Listen!Listen into the observer space. The observer space is empty; without thought orfeeling. The observer is neither head nor heart. The witnessing inner observeris your meditative still point, it is the place where wisdom and theintelligence of the soul resides and arises to inform you on your way (…if youlearn how to let it!) The inner observer is separate from head and heart andyet it sees both. It is neither one of these aspects and yet it is ALL ofyou.  If you can learn how to listen fromthe place of deep inner emptiness, with no attachment to directing or needingan "answer", I promise you, a direction will simply arise and youwill naturally find yourself moving in a way that neither your head nor yourheart could have dreamed up! Here's where we often get trapped by faultyunderstanding and fall back into the drama identification:  We believe that we must find clarity before we can move.  Not so! No clarity is possible when we buy into a divisionbetween head and heart. Clarity isactually that which arises from the silence, sees the drama, appreciates theplay, but is not attached to, nor identified with, it.   Clarity realizes that there is no "rightanswer" ...only a right relationshipto be in, so that action can arise, spontaneously, from this consciously-seated space. To be in right relationship to all circumstances, decisions, andseeming choices, is to remain seated as the observer-self from which your truenature simply moves you on your "right next way"... It takes a directexperience of what I am saying here to know how profoundly true andlife-transforming this statement is. "Right relationship" with life challenges,questions, and directions, is one that stops and steps out, then looks back atthe drama being played, and listens into the stillness of the observer self andsimply waits for the movement that naturally next comes - of it's own -- whenthe need and the noise of mind and heart are stilled in this deep waiting poolof inner peace. From that remarkable place, clarity comes -- not as"the one right decision" but as a simple spontaneous next step alongyour path. And as you simply respond by making that next step along your path,the head and the heart find themselves freed into a new way of walking withsilence (aka with your "authentic self"). The head and the heart (our dual separating selves)begin to realize that they do not command your entire reference point and arenot the sole "gig".  The headand the heart (the ego-identified self structures) begin to feel theObserver/Witness here and present within you. The head and the heart experienceyou standing in your True Nature.  It is then, that a new friendship becomes possiblebetween the head and the heart and the old game of self-paralyzing confusionand stuckness stops. The fight is simply seen through when one becomes seatedin their true authority (authentic self - the observer-witness).  When the need for "finding the right way" isseen through for the drama trap thatit is, and is given up, then the next good step on your path unwinding, simplywalks…  It is then, that walking in ones truth becomes asnatural as breathing. See and experience this one time and you are free ofstuck. May you fall in love with your authentic self as itsimply witnesses and walks you along your true way.