Relationship,Communication,How DIY Relationship Communication - How Couples Perceive Each Other
When starting a new work at home business it is very easy to become consumed by it. We spend so much time trying to get the business up and running that we may end up becoming burned out and lose our motivation. There is so much to learn and Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;mso-style-noshow:yes;mso-style-parent:"";mso-padding-alt:0in
Justbecause someone is listening to me, I don't assume that they got thecommunication that I sent. Neither should you. So after Isay something, I have created the habit of asking my listener what s/he heardfrom me. I also like to check in on my own perceptions about what I've heardfrom someone. Rather thanassuming that my perceptions about what other people mean when they saysomething are accurate, I've gotten into the practice of asking if what I heardwas what they meant to communicate to me. Here'sone great example: I hadassumed for a while that when my lover didn't ask for my support (because Icertainly ask for his) that it was because he didn't think I had anything togive him. I was really upset about this story I was telling myself and it wasaffecting how I related to him. I found that I resented asking for his support,and did everything in my power to avoid it. I felt awful because it thwarted mynatural inclination to ask. But he wouldn't ask me It was a viscous circle. When Ifinally checked in and asked "I've had the feeling that you don't ask mefor help because you don't think I have anything to offer you. Is that accuratewith what is happening for you?" He laughed. "Absolutely not,"he said. "I just can't seem to ask. It's my issue. I really value yourhelp," he said. Lately we'vebeen working with asking each other what we RECEIVE in our communications andit's fascinating how much of what is SENT is altered by way of how we hearthings. He could say "I don't want to talk about it," and I will hear"You don't want to talk to me." We then have an opportunity toclarify and better understand how each of us uses language. If you usethe words "sense," "feel" or "intuit," you letyour partner know "Look, this is a perception." No onewants to be TOLD how he or she is." I sense you're angry," is anopening. "You're angry," is a dead end. Then simply ask, "Isthat accurate?" "Does that resonate with you?" "Is thatwhat's going on for you?" It feelsgreat to have someone care enough to really get it right and to be able toreflect your communication back to you with accuracy. PerceptionChecking:Ask whoyou're talking to reflect back to you what s/he heard. If what you had hoped tosend and what they received are different, you've got a place to start from toclear up any misconceptions and get yourselves both "on the samepage."Aftersomeone says something to you, reflect back to him or her what you've heard.Discover if it matches. If it doesn't it gives you both the chance to make surethat the message that's being sent is the one you're getting.
Relationship,Communication,How