Should,You,Express,Feelings,Wo DIY Should You Express Feelings at Work?
When starting a new work at home business it is very easy to become consumed by it. We spend so much time trying to get the business up and running that we may end up becoming burned out and lose our motivation. There is so much to learn and Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;mso-style-noshow:yes;mso-style-parent:"";mso-padding-alt:0in
As Emotional Intelligence becomes the latest buzz word, and enters the military, business and corporate worlds, the question arises: Should you express your emotions at work? Many people think thats what Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is about. This question is similar to, Do you think emotions belong in the workplace? The answer to both is Unfortunately, it doesnt matter what you think, its a reality. We bring our emotions to the work place. We also express them in the workplace. The key is the awareness. Its already going on. EQ is about managing all this intelligently. Emotional Intelligence is about self-awareness. Thats the beginning. Knowing your own feelings, understanding where they come from and how they work, managing them, and being able to make rational decisions making use of the information they provide. Our emotions, after all, guideus. In a very real sense, we ARE our emotions. Once you can do this for yourself, you can apply this knowledge to others. We like to think its a matter of choice expressing them or not but thats less often the case than you might think. I was reminded of this a couple of months ago when I was speaking on a cruise. I broke my ankle on the second day out. They put a soft cast on it in the Mexican hospital, and I awaited my return to the US to get it taken care of. Yes, it hurt, and I wasnt able to do much, but to me it wasnt intolerable. When I went for meals, I didnt want my tablemates vacation to be inconvenienced or to worry them about such a thing while on their vacation, somethingunpleasant. Thats what we get away for, right? So there I sat, eating and making polite conversation, acting as if nothing were wrong (though of course the cast was evident) but every time I changed position even slightly, I winced. The gentleman sitting across from me said, Does your foot hurt? No, I replied, not wanting to cause concern. The next time it happened, the same question, Is your foot hurting?No, I replied.This time he challenged me, annoyed, with Why do you tell me it doesnt hurt when it shows all over your face? The thing is that we DO show how were feeling, whether we want to or not. It can be subtle, in which case some people will miss it, but others who are more perceptive will pick up on it. When we see expressions on peoples faces we can at least tell somethings wrong, though we may not be able to read the emotion and figure it out exactly. In this case, it was rather obvious since they knew Id broken my ankle. I asked myself why I felt like concealing how I was feeling (though I didnt do it very well). There are reasons why we do. It could be we dont want to make other people uncomfortable, or dont want to appear weak or overlyemotional. Perhaps its the cultural norm you grew up with (as in my case you dont talk about unpleasant things at table), or the culture youre currently in. Perhaps wed rather ignore it ourselves, with the stiff upper lipphilosophy, or because we think theres nothing anyone else can do about it. Or in our family of origin, perhaps when we didnt express a negative feeling, nothing WAS done about it, so we no longer expect it, and keep it to ourselves. But what happens when we dont? For one thing, we send mixed messages and, as with my table companion, this annoys other people. It erodes trust. To him, I was lying. I was saying I wasnt in pain (verbally) when I was (nonverbally,facial expression). It was little white lie in my culture; a big lie in his. He was an outspoken guy, a rancher from rural Texas. He wanted it all out on the table. When we dont express our emotions, but theyre leaking out or when we plaster a mask on our faces, removing all expression (or trying to), were perceived as being hidden. This erodes trust. Most of the emotional content in communication takes place nonverbally, as it did in this exchange. We were talking as if nothing were wrong, when my facial expressions (evidently) were showing pain. I wasnt that aware of which, often we are not. Had this been on occasion where I wanted, or needed, to hide how I was feeling, it would help me to be more aware of my expressions, yes? This was a social occasion, and here was the result. When I finally came out (to his way of thinking) and admitted I was in pain (I thought they would know, of course!), I received lots of help. They moved a chair so I could put my foot up, they escorted me from the dining room, they were solicitous of my well-being. These are all nice things! And heres the other side of the communication coin in the back of my mind, I was sure everyone knew I was in great pain. Have you ever broken a bone? Its excruciating! I assumed everyone knew that and that his question meant Assuming youre in pain, is it tolerable? It is intolerable? Is there anything we can do? Can we help you? (We leave out a lot of words in our communication, and we always carry a lot of assumptions into the conversations.) When we express our emotions (appropriately) at work, the same things can happen. For instance, if youre confused by the instructions youve been given, its best to express this. Then you can get the clarification you need. If youre annoyed by the noise your colleague is making attheir desk, if you express it, then it can be solved. If youre frustrated someones not making a deadline, or disappointed when a colleagues let you down, its best to express it verbally and appropriately, rather than bottle itup inside, or fail to address the situation, or leave all those assumptions rattling around.Equally as importantly, if you're on a project team and you are sceptical about a procedure, or have a gut feeling a strategy isn't going to work, these feelings must be expressed for the success of the venture. Our emotions guide us. We ignore them to our peril. When we deal with our emotions at the time, it keeps little things from becoming big issues. It keeps you out of the place of resentment. It allows you to get what you want and need, and for others to as well. Work is about people, emotions and relationships. In order to make this work best, we need to acknowledge the feelings are there, and deal with them. Thats what emotional intelligence is all about. Weve done a good job at treating the intellectual side of work. We hire people for their academic degrees, credentials, and experience. Then we train them in skills, providing graduated experience for them to learn from, and mentor them in technical areas or send them to classes. Whats been ignored is coaching in the people element, whats commonly called the soft skills. Emotional Intelligence coaching is about training in emotional management, communication, leadership, vision, resilience, flexibility and the other EQ competencies. Businesses dont succeed, people do. Take care of the people side of the equation with EQ.
Should,You,Express,Feelings,Wo